my open letter to reese witherspoon

reese

Hey girl,

How ya been? I know. I know. When I got my DUI or DWI or whatever the hell they call it these days, I was bummed, too. Obviously Officer McCullough did not realize who I was either. Little did he know I would be blogging about him a short while later. I also de-friended him on Facebook.

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3 things I’ve learned in my 2 months not blogging

mikey suit

If you follow me, you’ve noticed I haven’t given you much to follow in almost two months. I’m going to give you a few excuses, and you will circle the one you will accept with my apology.

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is it friendly or is it annoying?

hipster coffee

I need to write today. So I went to this little coffee shop near where I live. Super cute. I believe it’s called Hipsters R Us or something. These places give me an anxiety attack. They were meant for people who are so cool they resist all societal confines of cool, thus creating their own definition of cool, resulting in a cool conformity, the likes of which they fought to resist in the first place. That’s a lot for a simple mind like myself to keep up with. Read more

i could be the bad boy, right??

photo

I’m going to completely blow your mind right now. I never had a drink until after I graduated high school. I didn’t go to too many parties with my high school friends. Rather I spent many a weekend chumming around with my fellow apprentices at the community theatre. Yep. We were badass. Read more

5 things that will make me think you’re a douche

a-hollywood-douche-club-3

I think as certain things in the world increasingly aggravate me, my role in changing them will be to bitch about them here. Please feel free to email me suggestions for future “5 douchey things” posts.

Listing these does not at all say I am completely innocent of these, and should you choose to not hang out with me because you’ve witnessed me doing one or more of them, I will applaud your conviction and hold no grudges. Read more