facebook me maybe?

Last night a boy gave me his digits. I like to say “digits.” It makes me sound hip. Young. When my niece and nephew lived with me I caught on to all the cool new lingo. When my nephew was moving back here from Italy, I needed his full name for something. I asked him. He said, “I’m on the grid as Christopher.”

“On the grid.” That’s cool. So Bourne Identity. Like, “Hey, man. This is the name on my last rap sheet.”

The boy who gave me his digits, I’ll bet he was cool. Maybe he was young? Based upon a very careful calculation of smile, personality, ability and desire to wear a tank top multiplied by the fact that no one in this town looks their age, I gauged him to be within the parameters of 21 to 38. It’s not an exact science.

But when I got his digits, he also gave me his name. His full name. What he’s on the grid as. There! With a few clicks I can find out everything about him! Age, occupation, friends (and with enough pictures you can usually tell which angle he plans on taking in the bedroom).

Some call it stalking. I call it research.

Then it occurred to me…could Facebook be ruining dating? I’m lucky enough to meet someone in a manner that didn’t involve uploading a photo with a blurred out face and answering how important it is to me that my boyfriend isn’t vegan (highly important by the way). Why on earth would the Internet be the first thing I jump to when I didn’t have to?

Am I treating dating like a new job? Do I need to research if the job is a good match even before the first interview?

The research only leads to the question: Does my new knowledge affect whether or not I want to go out with this guy? I would hope I live with an ideal mentality that if the attraction is there in the encounter, why not wait until the next encounter for either of us to have a chance to blow it?

Instead, I’m discovering that he graduated from high school the same year I started losing hair, and he’s got way more pictures of himself with striped scarves than anyone should. (And I love me some scarves).

Or is it better to jump on this virtual life force and see what we’re getting into before we wasted the time? I’m not going to lie. I’m a busy girl. Between comedy shows, Big Brother, and fulfilling the required hours of drunk driver’s education, there’s not too much time to waste.

What about finding someone on Facebook whose number you didn’t get? I’ve done it. Why? Because two things relieve the asking out anxiety for me. Booze and typing.  When I like someone, and I attempt to ask him out in person, I wind up apologizing for bothering him and dropping a drink on the ground. I always drop a drink. Goddamn condensation.

What do you think? Utilize the online meet ‘n greet or spend some time off the virtual grid?

love and….ugh…vegans,




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