Every year when that time a year rolls around where every other post from a gay dude mentions the movie Hocus Pocus, that dreaded battle always enters my head: do I want to walk that carnival making everyone I can crack up in amusement? Or do I want to throw funny out the window for a night and just try to snag the attention of one of the thousand sexy shirtless vampires out there? It is possible to do both? Yes. Can I? I’m not a wizard, people.
The photo up top was from my Halloween costume last year. For those of you, like the many, many last year, who had no clue what I was, I was a booze hound. Get it? It’s a term they call a drunk, but I made it literal. See what I did there? Nevermind. That was my attempt at sexy but sort of funny. What does the world see? I was imagining a few boys wanted to wake up with a dog face print in their pillow. Thought I’m sure even more than that thought: Oh, he wants to get naked and make a costume out of it. You’re right. I did. I was also broke and the costume cost me about $12 (and that came with 3 cocktails tied to my neck!)
My problem? SO not a planner. While other queens are grouping and scheming in July, come October 30 I’m still Googling “sexy and funny costumes for men on a budget.” Why not, right? Sometimes I feel like a lack of planning or budget forces some of us to stretch our creative limbs in channeling ourselves via a gaudy alter-ego.
Dirty Clown was one of my favorites.
I’ll admit one thing. The good thing about being in my line of work and keeping the company I keep, I only had to buy the wig and make-up for this. Everything else was in the DRAG box. Yes, I have a drag box. Though the Uggs are in the shoe closet because, yes, I wear them. A lot. Deal with it.
As I walked to the West Hollywood parade in this outfit, I felt a sense of pride. Mostly because I was hoping no one would recognize me. Then it happened. A woman stopped me to take a picture with her two children. They appeared to be 4 and 6 (ish). Did she not see that I had cut off some of the wig and pieced it together in other areas???
My boy-at-the-time (I feel like that’s a phrase that needs coined) and I got into a fight that night because he thought I was engaging in some serious flirtation. I’m sorry, but as good as I thought I looked, I wouldn’t try to boink Dirty Clown. If someone were to hit on me, I would seriously question his taste level. I looked like the kind of clown who would give me rainbow crabs. And rainbow crabs are still crabs.
love and sexy vampires, (oh, and happy halloween!)